Sarah Palin’s book ‘Going Rogue’ has gone platinum.

A HarperCollins spokeswoman said that just two weeks after publication, Sarah Palin’s memoir has sold 1 million copies.

The print run for Going Rogue has been increased again, to 2.8 million copies. The original printing was 1.5 million.

Going Rogue joins a select club of million-selling political memoirs that includes Barack Obama’s ‘The Audacity of Hope’, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s ‘Living History’ and Bill Clinton’s ‘My Life’

Sarah Plain is indeed the pause that refreshes, and maybe, just maybe, this self appointed kingmaker is smarter than she appears.

For as long as I can remember, she has been referred to, within her hearing and without, as an intellectual invalid — an appellation that does not seem to distress her, and indeed appears to be one she herself cultivates.

Just as I feel honored, yet undeserving of the title  “novelist”, since I am merely a craftsperson, a cabinetmaker of texts and occasionally, I hope, a witness to our times – it therefore follows that Sarah Palin is the head cabinetmaker of stupid.

Yours, while writing to take revenge against reality.

Righteous

p.s. Sarah Palin will talk intelligently when she wants to. It isn’t like she knows the cure for cancer and she just isn’t fessing up.

And verily it came to pass.

Facebook has replaced e-mail as a more popular way to keep in touch with friends.

Facebook, the thinking man’s Myspace, is the second most popular communication tool, followed by text messaging and e-mail.

Phone calls are still the most popular way to communicate.

Facebook is now the most popular social network in the world, with over 350 million users.

Like smoking, or heroin, or glue sniffing – Facebook is a ritual and a habit, and it has all the force and goodness of a ritual, or habit.

Yours, while continuing my search for the Numinous Object, the Waters of Life, the Holy Grail, a truthful Facebook Profile – and also, any buried treasure I might find along the way.

Righteous

p.s. You worry too much. Eat some bacon … What? No, I got no idea if it’ll make you feel better, I just made too much bacon.

These sharks are not wearing spandex, that’s why they are happy.

I had held a secret hope that my spandex excellent adventure would fail, and that I would have the chance not only to cope with, but to help palliate my pain over being forced into this spandex dark alley.

But it was neither excellent, nor an adventure.

Spandex has no redeeming features – it never has, and never will.

And the people who like spandex are loopy -  in a disturbingly fetish kind of way.

So, even though I have been widely praised by the spandex community as a humanitarian seeking to right the wrongs of denim excesses over the last 20 years, I hereby relinquish my leadership status within the Spandex Awareness Action Committee – as I am wholly indifferent to what propelles their interest in this most 80’s of fabric.

I will however contribute $5 to the ‘Save a Spandex Factory’ fund. It is the least I can do to contribute to the retraining of Spandex engineers, ease their transformation into a new economy and, as many hope, prop up the dinosaur Spandex industries.

Yours, while a swelling chorus has arisen outside my window to complain that I have been up to my old tricks. I diverted their attention by showering them with largesse ranging from washing machines – to bicycles and cash.

Righteous

p.s. I am often solicitous of the feelings and intense reactions of my readers to my challenging social commentary, but trying to shield them from the sickness that is the spandex fetish community has caused me significant emotional trauma – similiar to what Tiger Woods might presently be feeling.

Day 2 on the Spandex beat, and in my continuing search for all things Spandex, I ask one thing…….

Have you ever seen Sarah Palin wearing Spandex?

Everyone’s answer is no – but everyone also knows she would definitely own’s some Spandex.

I’m picking gold lame’ tights, which she definitely wears while watching her favourite reality wedding shows.

So, on to the Spandex business of the day…..

This I did not know.

There is a market for what is called Spandex extreme male cock wear.

There are also spandex penis display suits.

There is men’s Spandex thong swimwear

Also Spandex pouch only swimwear for men.

There are over the shoulder spandex fetish suits – and for those interested in the details, this type of spandex penis display pulls the cock and stretches it to its max size. This design also has spandex a ball splitter to enhance the look, and shows off the penis nicely. That’s good to know.

If you search for Spandex, you also get results for gay Japanese sex, nude oil wrestling, butt plug, fetish bank , gay sex party, gay pool party, tiny string bikinis photos, tiny string bikinis articles and stories, butt floss for men, butt floss for women, beach sex.

I had just run out of butt floss, so this reminded me that I must restock quickly. And I’m also down to my last butt plug.

Stay with me people, I have a feeling this is going to get worse.

Yours, while realising I have a deep and noble desire to fail in this Spandex reporting enterprise.

Righteous

p.s. a pat on the back is only 18 inches away from a kick in the pants, so let’s dance – in a Spandex penis display suit!

(actual photo of WordPress editor in locker room before mens jazzersize class yesterday afternoon)

How are you going WordPress editors?

God it’s been TOO long since we hung out.

Yesterday when I saw you was great. I really liked your outfit too. You look great in shoes. Have you lost weight?

Thanks for putting my spandex mens aerobics story on the WordPress homepage yesterday. Hey, how cool are homepages? I like them. Just another thing that you and I have in common.

I have lots of new friends thanks to you. And they’re all spandex lovers like me.

So, in the fatuous belief that a little spandex hocus-pocus in this blog will so dazzle readers that they’ll be too dazed to notice the quality of the writing – and the realisation that my calling in life may be limited to finding stories on spandex – here’s all that ’s hot, and not, in the spandex Universe today.

Katy Perry is Sporty in Spandex

Fat People in Spandex!

But now is the time to bite the hand that feeds.

If I am required to while away the rest of my life writing about spandex, and the fruitcakes who fetishize about it. I want something in return.

You go to www.cword.tv and watch the video podcasts – and I’ll write about spandex for the next 70 years, or til I die – whichever comes last (my commitment knows no earthly bounds).

This podcast is really good, and I have every reason to believe that the kids find it pretty hip. Once, I saw a guy watching it just after he’d finished listening to rap music through his cassette headphones. He had his hat on back to front as well.

So………… it sounds like a fair deal to me.

You watch the cword podcast.

I write about spandex.

And I get to feel like I’ve been punched in the face everyday. TWICE.

(Seriously, being Chinese burned to death would be more fun than writing about spandex)

Anyways, thanks again for this, I look forward to catching up soon. I don’t think I’ll have the salad next time. It was a bit underwhelming.

Yours, while wondering why my life has come to this, and what I did to deserve it, and how can I deal with being the Perez Hilton of spandex

Righteous

p.s. being on the WordPress homepage is not very manly. You have possibly not considered this before, but such things are the purpose of my blog. It’s what I call a ‘transfer of knowledge’.  Being on your homepage is like wearing dangly ear-rings – just too obvious. Now I have to care what people think about what I write, and believe me, we both know I’m too busy to do that.

p.p.s. ok, one more spandex item, you can never get too much of a good thing

Cute college girl tight lycra spandex

This is not manly.

And it is so wrong on so many levels.

The 1987 Dance Aerobics Championship video

I have carefully studied the exploits of these positive role models, and I will attempt to emulate their radiant bonhomie in future.

But first, I have some other issues to take care of.

Yours, while negotiating an arrangement between myself and the owner of the sheep, while accepting full blame for the incident involving the straying animal, as long as the unpleasantness of public disclosure and paperwork could be avoided.

Righteous

p.s. what’s with these men’s Willy Lomanesque emphasis on the importance of being liked?

The facts on Miss Universe contestants?. You can’t handle the facts.

Two former Miss Universe contestants are stealing the sex tape scandal spotlight, after a home video hit the web reportedly featuring Miss Japan 2008 and Miss Trinidad and Tobago 2008 fully engaged in a hardcore three-way – with some dude, reportedly a professional photographer.

Hiroko Mima (Japan) and Anya Ayoung-Chee (T&T) both competed in the 2008 Miss Universe pageant.

This was apparently eight months after the pageant and neither were the reigning titleholder.

Meanwhile at the Miss Universe show bar……..

Yes waiter, I’ll have my drink now – two parts reality, no parts myth.

This is not as easy as ticking a box on the Miss Universe entry form.

Yours, while taking the panic out of pandemic

Righteous

p.s. and the winner is…………….me

Even in tough times, it’s good to be a lawmaker: there are 237 millionaires serving in the 2008 Congress.

While about one percent of Americans are millionaires, 44 percent of those serving in Congress can claim as much.

The richest member of Congress is Republican California Rep. Darrell Issa, whose net worth is estimated to be in excess of $250 million. He’s followed by four Democrats: California’s Jane Harman (approx. $245 million), Wisconsin’s Herb Kohl (approx. $215 million), Virginia’s Mark Warner (approx. $210 million) and Massachusetts’ John Kerry (approx. $209 million).

Among the top 25 wealthiest legislators, there are 14 Democrats and 11 Republicans, suggesting no clear wealth divisions between party.

-CBS News Political Hotsheet

These political stars, for whom Rudolph Valentino and Gloria Swanson might stand as archetypes, are chauffeured about cities in exotic automobiles, live on great estates, and spend fortunes on their couture.

So it is good to see, in the midst of a recession, that red America politicians and blue America politicians have come together, in a way, through collective political wealth and silk shirt bipartisanship.

And every day, the mirrors they look into tell them that they are pretty fuckin’ awesome.

Yours, while realising that never has it cost so much to dress, and still look like you’re just coming home from the mill or the assembly line.

Righteous

p.s. those who love me will eagerly wait in lines wrapped around the block to show their support for this blog. Remember, this story’s about me and how I perceive the day’s events, not reality. Like Lady GaGa, I am a Fame Monster. Like Lady GaGa, I am a hermaphrodite.

Finally, a scientific analysis of fruit and vegetable shopping.

Now I know why I’m not going to name my first kid Grapefruit.

I’m pro-banana and fucking proud of it.

Bananas are being  held down by the man, and standardized tests which don’t show cultural citrus bias.

This is why the internet was invented.

Yours, while realising that this issue is not germane to the present discussion about whether Iran has nukes, but it is more important.

Righteous

p.s. The world loves tomatoes, but no one gets that tomatoes don’t need to love the world.

p.p.s much rrrrespect to http://xkcd.com/388/. Props.

The CIA relied on intelligence based on torture in prisons in Uzbekistan, a place where widespread torture practices include raping suspects with broken bottles and boiling them alive, says a former British ambassador to the central Asian country.

Craig Murray, until 2004 the UK’s ambassador to Uzbekistan, said the CIA not only relied on confessions gleaned through extreme torture, it sent terror war suspects to Uzbekistan as part of its extraordinary rendition program.

“I’m talking of people being raped with broken bottles,” he said at a lecture late last month. “I’m talking of people having their children tortured in front of them until they sign a confession. I’m talking of people being boiled alive. And the intelligence from these torture sessions was being received by the CIA, and was being passed on.”

Now, I know the critics see George W Bush and his  sado-conservatives  as a hypocritical bunch of strict disciplinarians with an unhealthy obsession with anal sex – and this has earned him a reputation as an unfeeling martinet.

But he was doing these rogues a favour.

At first, the prisoners hate and fear the torture, but gradually they come to realize that George W is turning them into real men, capable of learning skills that will help them survive a cruel and unfair world.

A little broken bottle anal rape never hurt anyone, and it straightened me out quick smart when I was a young fella – and I didn’t turn out too bad.

Yours, while crying a silent tear for the stolen innocence of a sad past

Righteous

p.s. Hey-eee, come down here boy to deee Mahoo Bar. I buy you drinky drink, yes? I marry you and your brother? I have you baby? We drink to this boy, yes. Mahooooo! I feel goooood tonight………..nope, broken bottle anal rape never effected me at all.